today, i was late again for work!
and it's all my brother's fault! awhile ago, a soon as i got up from bed, i woke him up and told him to hurry up 'coz it's a monday and for some reason, mondays are the worst days to travel (espacially in the morning) because of the heavy congestion of cars and public vehicles (that don't care if they almost hit someone just as long as they could get as many passengers for the day or get to 1 stop to another on time! i understand that they have to earn a living..but then to drive wrecklessly and endanger the lives of others and their passengers?). i already finished taking a bath. i took a bath in my sister's bathroom so that he'd be able to use our bathroom and so that none of us would waste our times waiting for our turns. when i got out of the bathroom, my brother was still taking his sweet time inside the bathroom! and we went in our respective bathrooms the same time! i knocked on the door and told him to hurry up 'coz it was already 6:30am, and usually, we would live at 6:45am to give allowance for the heavy traffic. darn, i hate nagging! but then, after knocking on the door, i smell cigarette smoke coming out from underneath the door. he was smoking inside the bathroom eventhough he knew that i hated the smell of cigarette smoke in the morning! i even told him before to avoid smoking in the bathroom because the stench of the cigarette fumes remain inside and the smell is just unbearably nauseating! he said sorry but you can sense that he would be doing it again.
i started dressing up. i usually fix my necktie when i get to the office but then my brother was taking a long time that i decided to fix it already so when i get to the office, i won't need to spend extra time. i was already done with everything, from the hair to the shoes, and my inconsiderate brother was still in the bathroom taking all the time in the world! i knocked again in the door and, for the nth time, told him to hurry up (this time in a more urgent and serious tone).
anyway, we finally left the house around 7:05am. and there it was, eight long trails of cars, jeeps, and buses making their way through the long stretch of the highway! i felt so furious that i told my brother (in a reserved manner) that next we must leave early. but he didn't say anything to acknowledge! he just slept the whole time! badtrip talaga!
badtrip pa 'coz i had to bring him to his training place before i could proceed to office! when we arrived at the place, i urged him to hurry up in getting out (but not as if i was throwing him out or something it's just that i was a few minutes away from being late again..) but no, he had to get out slowly and tell me to wait lang 'coz he had to get some stuff out pa! when he said wait parang it was him who was being inconvenienced pa! putangina, badtrip talaga!Ö what's worse, he acted as if it's nothing to him that i'm going to be late!
to add, what really frustrated me was that i can't seem to express anger!! i know i should get mad, but i just don't know how! maybe i'm scared to get mad or maybe i just don't want tension between me and anyone. i prefer to settle things, if possible, in a un-heated manner. shit, i think i better get one of them shrinks! i'm such a wuzz trying to keep my patience when deep down inside i just wanna get mad!Current Mood:  angry |
just to break the cycle...
i've been doing the same things over and over for (if my count is not mistaken) eight times now since i arrived at the office this morning.
1. check my corporate email account, which by the way can be frustrating because of the unpredictable downtimes. what's the use of email if you can't check it regularly? and technology, they say, is suppose to bring more convenience to everyone. *sigh*..sometimes i begin to wonder if i'm in the right industry..
2. type nonsensical lines of codes in the screen just to look busy to everyone. once, i imagined myself with a big sign over my head which says "A-I-D-S" (As If Doing Something) and a big red blinking arrow pointing towards me as if calling everyone's attention telling them "ALERT! ALERT! Bored person on board!!" sheesh, being creative in making people (not everybody. at least, the big bosses) think that i'm working my pay's worth is getting harder and harder with each pasing minute.
3. scan for live and upbeat music on the radio just to keep myself awake. but, for some weird reason, i couldn't get a clear reception of any one of the channels that i've stored previously, except for one. and it was playing slow melncholic songs! woopi-doo, just what i need!
4. go visit the bathroom every now and then. ever since i started working here. the bathroom has been my favorite place. it's a nice place to be when you feel cold, which is almost all the time! damn, working here reminds you so much of the polar parts of the globe! this morning, after i've gotten out of the elevator, i saw sir jojo (one of my co-workers in the IS dept.) waiting in line for his turn to have his time card punched. his physique kinda remind me of a penguin: not-so-broad shoulders, chest out always, and with a big round belly! and just like that, he was walking away, flapping his short wings on his side..like a penguin! oh no, i'm really losing it! nwy, back to the C.R. aside from the morning rituals (brushing my teeth, tucking my polo long sleeves, tying my necktie, etc.), i go to the bathroom when i'm bored and sleepy, and when i feel like crying..sad over missing ana.=(
5. check the "batch folder". usually, my batchmates would put in new stuffs like editorials (usually by Conrado de Quiros. btw, i like his way of writing. he would usually begin with personal experiences and use it to reflect on the macrocosm of our society. so much conviction and well-grounded opinions.) anecdotes, pictures, news articles, etc. in the batch folder. the batch folder (notice: i'll try my best to explain this in layman's term. pls. bear with me. hehe!) is somewhat like your ordinary folder in your PC, except anyone who has access and is connected to the network...ah, it's useless! basta, it's a folder wherein people can put in stuff. *whew!* but then, everyone seems to be busy except me (or at least, that's what it seems. haha!)! no one has been adding anything new so far..buh-hum-bug!
6. go back to number 1.
oh well..at least writing helped me pass time. yey, it's almost time to go!! |
ana is finally here!
days have been melancholic ever since i last saw her. i found irony in waking up each day. each new day brings me overwhelming sadness with the thought of not being able to share it with her..but at the same time it also gives me enough hope to live through it knowing that i'm a day closer to finally seeing her again.
and now she's here! seeing that heart-warming smile on her face, getting to wrap my arms around her..no words, not even the profoundest ones, can express how happy i am right now!
problem is, the days without her have made my incompetence in expressing what i feel grow even more. perhaps, because it was only her who taught me how to express what i feel and assert myself. or maybe because time without her has made me dry and closer to lifeless..
maybe that's why she noticed (not even i noticed it) that i have changed to a more reserved and quiet person.
i only hope that she doesn't take my now-silent (well, i've always been the quiet type) nature the wrong way. and that in time, i'd learn again to be expressive of myself. i hope i don't screw her stay here in manila...i only want our times here spent together to be fun-filled and memorable..=(Current Mood:  worried |
last weekend, our company just celebrated it's 9th anniversary. we went to this hotel/resort in Batangas. the place wasn't bad although there is nothing that you wouldn't see in the hotels in manila. i was one of the persons to arrive first at the venue. not that i was excited about it, i had to help prepare the place for the activities as part of the organizing committee.
nwy, fast forward to the race... the race was patterned after the popular reality show Amazing Race. too bad i wasn't able to join. they appointed me as one of the marshals for two out of the eleven activities in the race. i had fun watching my co-employees, who i never thought could be so funny and loony! it's like they're a set of different people from the people that i know in the office.
nwy, fast forward again to the party..the party was a blast! the food was great, although i didn't get to eat much. probably because i smoked before eating, which i don't usually do 'coz it ruins my appetite. hassle nga lang yung attire. we had to wear cocktail attire (coat, long sleeves, slacks and leather shoes). i thought to myself, "kahit pa ba dito, long sleeves pa rin papasuotin?". nwy, moving on...i enjoyed the opening act. it was a song number by 5 people (aside from the band). they sang "Lady Marmelade" (the Moulin Rouge OST). grabe, i got hair raising all over my body from start to finish of the song! after all the numbers and the awards given, it was down to the drinking and getting-wasted-part. by then, i've already drank 7 cans of beer! i was still perfectly ok after we adjourned. things started to move slow when i went down from our room to go swimming with my friends. did i mention that i also drank 4 shots of whisky? i couldn't say no to my bosses! damn social responsibility! nwy, back to the pool...things started to turn and turn and all i can see are flashes of images. so i sat down in one of those chairs with a long back-rest and tried to sobber-up. as soon as i thought i was ready for a swim, i felt all the food and alcohol rise from my stomach to my throat and then out of my mouth! my friends were there and some of the senior consultants were also there to watch me puke my guts out! it was so embarassing!!!! the next morning, i didn't go down for breakfast. how could i, after what happened? i got paranoid of what people might think or say of me when they see! "grabe, nabalitaan niyo ba yung nangyari kay van kagabi?" sheesh!
as if my paranoia was over. this morning, i felt so small and ashamed of myself that i decided to go to office after lunch. damn whisky! o well, i just hope that those who witnessed my gross incident would be struck by selective amnesia.Current Mood:  embarrassed |
it's now 9:12 on my watch...
finally!
i was never used to writing journals or diaries (except for the time that ana gave me one to write in). it makes me feel weird. it's like i'm talking to myself! hehe! but since i'm already terminally insane..i guess this one should not be that different. what the hell?!?! what am i talking about? i don't even know if anyone will get to read this! oh well, i guess it's just me and me..=Þ
hmm..i dunno what to place in here..what do i write? do i write about my day or my thoughts? i dunno where or how to start! do i start by writing "dear diary"? (diary! sheesh, i have to find a better word..aha! journal na lang!!)
ok...hmm..
dear journal..ah forget it, this won't work!!Ö
i dunno why i'm starting this journal. i've never been good in expressing my thoughts anyway..moreover, writing them down! it usually takes a long time for me to find the right words to relay what i really want to say. (hey, that rhymes! i guess there's still hope for me! hehe!) ana has already been pushing me before to start my own live journal account before she left for the province. i tried, but back then, i guess i felt it would just be something that i wouldn't be able to make use often since it would just take so much time for me to make an entry.
but now it's different. i feel like the need to write my thoughts has just given me enough reason to start this journal. i guess, writing down my thoughts would help me understand the people, and the things happening around me, so much more myself, my feelings and my thoughts. this way, at least one person would be able to understand me..even if that person turns out to be only me..
it's now 10:39 pm...see, it takes me a long time to write..oh well, i have to persist..Current Mood:  giddy |
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